Just the way it is

Yes. I wanted to say just the way you are. But that's not really what I want to say, Recently, lots of stuffs happened. They were bad and they were good. But I realize something. I'm not able to keep my promises.

You know, I have this one special person. I love that person. She's really important to me because she was able to show me that life was worth living. And what I mean by living, is living it to the fullest. Before, I thought that you just had to follow that direct line that was showing you what to do in your life but now..., it's quite a different thing. 

Yet, 

I manage to hurt that person. How? It seems that my life is too much for her. I keep telling her promises that I can't keep up because I think too much of my past, because I tried to much to make it up for what I've done with my family. Is it bad? Is it good? I don't know. What I do know is that it hurts. It hurts to know that it pains her that I can't change a damn thing about it. And that the person will always think that it will always be like that; that something will always come up at the last minute. And the worst... is that it's true. I can't deny it. Something always come up and the only thing I can say is sorry. 

sorry. I can't do anything against that. 

sorry. I didn't know it would be important. 

sorry. for next time.

And then, I feel her pain. And it hurts so bad. That I feel like I should just shut up and say nothing else.

I'll just make everything more bad.